Absolute Fear
by NeverEndingQuestions
Summary: The most destructive element in the human mind is fear. Fear creates aggressiveness. - Dorothy Thompson


**I thought of this last night and decided to write it...it's sorta crappy, but I guess that's alright....**

**These are all supposed to be set a different dates, since some things happened before others did.**

**And yes, I intended for each story to have only 2-3 paragraphs.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Elfen Lied.****Nana**

* * *

**Nana**

**Fear**

Nana was slowly going crazy.

Nana wasn't afraid - she wasn't. She knew she wasn't. The only thing she feared was being afraid. She was afraid of falling into a black pit of sadness and constant worry, about whether Papa would come back or not. And as the days passed, and he never came, her fear increased terribly. She couldn't draw a distinct line between dreams and reality anymore. When she laid her head to sleep at night, she would dream, of her Papa eventually coming to save her from this horrible, awful nightmare. Then, she would wake up. The dreams would be so real that she wasn't even sure if she had waken up at all. She didn't know if she had fallen asleep or waken up. Did she even really exist in the first place?_ No_, she would think, _I have to be real! If I weren't, these dreams wouldn't be happening. They wouldn't exist! No one would be there to dream them!_ Then, she would think of Mariko. Nana would automatically assume that maybe_ she _didn't exist - maybe she was the reincarnation of Mariko. Maybe 'Nana' had died, and Mariko had taken over, making her dream these kinds of things. Finally, she would become so confused, that she would scream at the top of her lungs, until someone came to try and comfort her.

Fear of fear had destroyed her. Nana was hardly able to function any longer. Sometimes, she tried to figure it out. She tried to understand what exactly fear was. Was it even possible to be afraid of fear? Did fear even exist? Did _anything_ exist!? She would cry and cry until she fell asleep. Nana was convinced that fear wasn't an emotion. It was a person, out to get her. No - Fear had already succeeded in 'getting' her. But if so, why couldn't Nana see Fear? Were they hiding? Did they not want to be seen? Surely, if Fear was a person, a _living_ person, she could see them. Unless, one of them - Mayu, Yuka, Kouta, or Lucy - was Fear. Nana started to believe Fear was one of them - but _which one_? The agony of not knowing almost killed her. One day, she worked up the nerve. When everyone was at the table having breakfast, she stomped in, screaming and demanding who was Fear and why would they do such a thing to her? They only gave her blank looks - then Lucy had to say quietly that, Fear wasn't a person at all, but an emotion. Nana had a panic attack. Fear wasn't a person at all, but an emotion. Could emotions see her? Could she see them? Maybe fear was watching her at that moment. But how, _how_, could something that didn't even exist in person cause so much insanity and worry? It was too much to bear.

Nana went insane.

**Lucy**

**Love**

Lucy couldn't understand love.

How could she even possibly begin to? She had never know love in her life. She was a diclonius. She was hated. She wasn't loved, that was for sure. Did Kouta even love her? No, most likely not. He loved Nyuu. He had even told her - straight to her face - that he hated Lucy, but would be hurt if Nyuu left. _I'm not Nyuu!_ she'd wanted to scream. _You're a goddamn idiot. Nyuu doesn't exist, not even in your sick fantasies!_ Lucy had stayed at Maple Inn anyway - she really didn't have a place to go, and she couldn't even get back to the institute, even if she desperately wanted to. Yuka obviously didn't welcome her. Kouta didn't have much to say in the matter. Lucy cared for Kouta - but she didn't love him. She was sure she didn't. How could someone that had never know love, love someone else? She felt unwelcomed by all of them. Sometimes, she wanted to be Nyuu, just so Kouta _would_ love her, after all. But not being able to form even a word - only a pathetic "Nyuu!" - wasn't appealing to her in the least. Besides, she wasn't even quite sure _how_ to do it. Nyuu just _came_. She was never invited. Lucy surely wouldn't invite something like that.

Lucy wanted to know what love was, though. Did it feel good, or bad? She'd often hear people say that falling in love was the best - and worst - thing that could ever happen to you. Lucy had asked Yuka what love was, once. Yuka had a fit, saying that it was a horrible thing and Lucy shouldn't even be asking an idiotic question like that. Lucy had responded by saying how should she know whether it was horrible or wonderful? It's not like she'd ever been loved before. Her parents clearly didn't love her either, or they wouldn't have given her up at such a young age. At that, Yuka started to cry, and said that it's obvious that Kouta loves her, and she should stop being a damn bitch about it. Lucy didn't reply, but just walked away. She didn't really feel mad at Yuka for saying such things, but sympathetic. Poor Yuka - she was so oblivious. Kouta didn't love her. He only cared about Nyuu. _Only Nyuu_. That day, Lucy found out what 'love' really was. She promised she'd never fall in love, if it caused so much pain. She didn't need anymore in her life.

She really didn't.

**Mayu**

**Trust**

Mayu had 'trust issues'.

Mayu hated to call it that. She had problems trusting people, so what? It wasn't really an 'issue'. Maybe her therapist only said that because she thought Mayu herself was an 'issue'. Mayu couldn't trust a single soul. She wasn't even sure she could trust _herself_. When she first met her stepdad, he had been extra nice to her, so she would warm up to him. Soon enough, she trusted him with her life completely. That was the problem. At the time, Mayu was far too trusting. That's when he started to rape her. Mayu was clearly shocked and confused. Hadn't he said that he loved her? That he'd protect her? That he'd be the best dad he could be? What happened to all of that? She begged him to stop, numerous times, but he wouldn't. So she ran away. What other choices did she have? Her own mother hated her. Shortly after she ran away, she met Wanta. She had trusted Wanta to never leave her side, _ever_. But then, on her 13th birthday, _that woman _had come and taken Wanta, right in front of her eyes. It was like her heart being ripped out and stomped to the ground. She had refused to trust anyone else after that. And she didn't.

The people at the inn - the 'kind ones' who had taken her in - were starting to get fed up. Yuka complained every time Mayu was hesitant to sit down and eat. Mayu knew she really should be more grateful, especially after living on bread crusts for so long, but there was always that _feeling_. The feeling that they actually didn't want her around, and planned to poison her meals to get rid of her. Every time Mayu wanted to tell someone how she really felt, she shooed it away. If there was a chance they _weren't_ going to poison her, she didn't want to give anyone ideas. Mayu didn't have to ask to know what trust was - she'd made the mistake more than once. She felt slightly alone, but happy. It would work out better this way. It _would_, and she knew it. She convinced herself of it.

Because, who really gave a shit about her, anyway?

**Kouta**

**Death**

Kouta hated the thought of death.

Ever since his memories came back to him, he wished they hadn't at all. True, he knew Yuka would tear him apart if he didn't remember, but he didn't care about that. Every time he closed his eyes to sleep, he would see visions. Visions of Kanae being sliced in half, visions of his dad being beheaded. He would immediately sit up in bed, and refuse to close his eyes, because he knew what would happen next. He became sort of an insomniac, only sleeping when he let down is guard, or when Yuka pestered him about it. He often wondered where Kanae and his father had ended up. He was _sure_ Kanae was in Heaven - he didn't know what he'd do if she wasn't. So he believed she was. His dad, however...didn't have such a great past himself. Kouta didn't like to think about where he'd ended up.

Then, there was Lucy. Kouta had only let her stay in hopes that she would become Nyuu again. But it never happened. He didn't care much about whether she stayed or went anymore, so he just let her keep living there. He surely didn't love Lucy - coldhearted, killing Lucy. If he did, he felt like all of the grief for his sister and father would be wasted. To fall in love with murder itself would make _no_ sense. Each day, Kouta would fear that, during the night, Lucy had silently killed everyone, and _he_ was next. When it didn't happen, he felt a bit better, but the fear came back at night. It was a repeating process, that never ended.

Kouta didn't want to die, he really didn't. He was terrified of death. About where he would end up. He had done not-so-good things in his life before, and he feared he would end up in Hell. Kouta didn't want to be there, of all places. Kouta was almost thankful to Lucy, in a way, for sparing his life that night. He was afraid of death, and yet he couldn't go on living. Not like this.

He was a living contradiction.

**Yuka**

**Alone**

Yuka was horrified of being alone.

Her father had left her and her mother when she was only 5. She didn't remember much about him. Her mother refused to talk about him, and threw out all of the pictures of him. Yuka felt alone. She didn't have a father to give cards to on Father's Day. When she was in 6th grade, she didn't have a father to take to the Father-Daughter Dance. Everyone made fun of her, saying her father didn't care about her and she was a bastard child. Yuka didn't make many friends at school. When she got home, she would cry and ask her mother why were the kids at school so mean? Why? Her mother would just sigh and say that's how the world is. So when she met Kouta, she was determined to keep him forever - she wouldn't let him go away and leave her alone like everyone else had.

When Kouta left and didn't come back after their festival together, Yuka was absolutely heartbroken. She felt horribly alone, with no friends, and now not even a cousin to talk to and have fun with. She had cried for days afterwards, which made the kids at school tease her even more. When Yuka finally met Kouta again, she was mad but happy that she had captured him. Then, Nyuu came and destroyed _everything._ Kouta paid more attention to Nyuu than he ever did to Yuka. It was always "Nyuu this, Nyuu that, Nyuu's missing, let's go search for her". Yuka cared for Nyuu, but hated her at the same time. What did she have that Yuka didn't? She and Kouta weren't blood relatives, that's for damn sure. Once Nyuu turned into Lucy and didn't revert back to Nyuu even once, Kouta loved neither of them. Yuka was afraid. She did all she could to make Kouta love her - even just_ liking _her was enough - but it didn't work. Yuka did the only thing she could do - she cried.

People were all around her, but she was completely alone.


End file.
